Selfishly Mine
by Terra Oceanus
Summary: America has been afraid for the longest time. Afraid of the dark and the chance that England could refuse him. So he keeps it to himself, until one day his secret is exposed..


**My inspiration is the amazing George Devalier, if you haven't read his stuff you so totally should! And of course my own personal Arthur the happy chapters in my tragedy. Reviews are awesome, you should leave one because they make me feel loved! **

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Dreaming

The darkness is not your friend. Bad things happen in the dark. Pretend you're asleep and you will be safe from all things that hide in that never ending impenetrable dark. But don't ever let your guard down. Do not actually sleep.

"Mon ami, you look terrible!" I had been trying to sleep after the meeting but had been failing miserably. Sighing I look into France's bright blue eyes and smile big. "Ah bro its all good, just didn't sleep last night! A new opened up near my house and I wanted to get their midnight specials!" A sigh of frustration is emitted throughout the room and I laugh and rub the back of my head. France shrugs and turns away from me to talk to Canada. Now that they had figured out the reason behind my uncharacteristic silence, the other nations also go back to their conversations. Well, what they thought was the reason.

Sighing I stand and stretch before picking up my jacket and making my way out of the room. Loosening my tie I cast a quick look around me before heading to the sun room that overlooked the garden. The meeting was being held in England's country this time and I loved his rose gardens this time of year. Once in the quiet of the room I locked the door behind me and made my way to the dark purple window seat. The room was a large circle, half the walls covered in bookshelves, I had long ago read all the books in here. The other half of the room was window seats that looked down onto England's pride and joy, his garden. Thats where he took care of his mystical friends, friends I had always secretly wished I could see. I look around at all the bright sunshine surrounding me and settle down against one of the columns that separated the three large seats.

Sunlight keeps you safe. Nothing hides here. Thats why it's ok to sleep here. Like I used to. Like when I was young.

Closing my eyes I breath deeply and smile. Sunlight.

When I woke up it was dark. I couldn't see anything and I could feel something at my side. Fear bubbles up in my throat and its hard to breath. Darkness presses in at all sides and I'm so exposed.

No way out

You're alone

You're useless

You're no hero

I feel the thing at my side stir and I freeze all movements. My breathing stops and I can hear my heart thudding loudly, I was almost afraid that whatever was moving could hear it. "Calm down America.. Its just me.." At the first accented word, all my fear flies away as if it was nothing more than a seagull at the beach. The clouds pass slowly until there is a small amount of light in the room. I let out my breath I had been holding and sag down. "You must think I'm such a big baby…" I whisper, now afraid of what he will say. Bright green eyes blink owlishly in the dim moonlight. "Because you refuse to sleep at night?" I nod and look at my hands, disgusted with myself. "America. Look at me." Hesitantly I look into England's beautiful beautiful eyes, eyes that have always reminded me of the earth and nature he has loved so much. "You've always been afraid… I should have known that a fear like that wouldn't go away…" England shifts slightly and suddenly I'm aware of the fact that to fit both of us on this seat his body is smashed next to my own. Flushing I'm glad of the sudden darkness as the moon is once again hidden by storm clouds.

"The darkness is a real thing to you isn't it? A pressure, a horrible terrible feeling of uselessness and terror isn't it?" I don't answer but I can feel shame burning me as if there is a torch lit inside my heart and mind. Suddenly England stands and the second the pressure of him is gone, the fear is back. "Everyone is already at their hotels so there is no one for you to get a ride with. You can stay with me tonight. Come on." England holds out a hand and I take it. Walking down the dark hallways I jump at every real and imagined sound. By the time we reach the guest room that is across from England's personal room I am holding his hand, fingers laced and gripping tightly. England takes one look at my face and nods. "You can sleep with me tonight." Once in the room he doesn't turn on the lights, but I remember the way his room is set up. England looks at me and I stare back. What now? Flushing I realize I haven't slept with him since I was a child and needed him to sleep with me. Looks like nothing has changed has it? Glaring I look down angrily. Hero's aren't supposed to be afraid.. England's feet appear into view and I look up slightly to see him staring at me. I jump back flushing still. "What do you want?!" I yell throwing my hands up to ward him off.

England blinks at me. "Do you want me to show you that not all things that night brings are bad? That it is possible to have fun at night too?" Tilting my head I wonder what he meant. "I guess…?" England sighs and rubs the back of his head. Wait. Was he.. blushing..? That look. Thats what brought it pummeling down like a bag of bricks. Thats what he meant?! "Oh…" England looks away, the red spreading across his face as quickly as mine was spreading. I take the two steps that separate us and press my lips to his. How does one describe what heaven feels like? Dizzy? Amazing? As good as you have ever thought or wished? Breaking the kiss I rest my forehead against his. "I've always.. since before.. I love you" Englands eyes are wide and his lips are parted as he tries to catch his breath. Smiling at him I whisper "Id love to be shown that not all things that the night brings is bad."

The next morning I wake up to my arms protectively holding someone close to me. Cracking an eye open I see that mess of blonde hair and smile before snuggling closer. "Hey America…?" I hum an answer back to the sleepy Brit. "Last night…" I tense up, fearing that he was going to dismiss the night before, the night I had finally, finally told him I loved him. "Last night you asked what I want… Would it be selfish to say you?" Relief fills my entire body and I laugh quietly before nuzzling his neck and shoulder. "Only if you didn't let me say it back"


End file.
